Satan behavior

 Hi 

I slept at 4 a.m. last night because I really couldn’t sleep. Then I woke up for sahoor, went back to sleep, and woke up around 7 to pray. At 8:38 a.m., my mom barged into my room, screaming, “Haven’t you had enough sleep already?” She started nagging that I was following Satan’s behavior because I was always sleeping. Mind you, my sister hadn’t woken up yet. She kept complaining that I was useless and had been sleeping for three months since I came back from the hostel. I agreed with her. She really wanted me to get out of my room because, in her mind, I was sleeping all the time. She asked me to hang the clothes, so I did. Then she went out and started nagging again, “Why didn’t you use the hangers I already put there? Don’t you know about it? I don’t know how to teach you.” So I went out and hung the clothes again. Meanwhile, the favored child was still sleeping and didn’t get scolded. Lucky me—I’m always the one who gets scolded. It’s the same situation as when I was 12, but back then, I had my father to back me up. Now, I have nobody. I think if I had really taken my life when I was 12, I wouldn’t have to go through this again. I want to go back to school. The main reason I don’t go out of my room is because it feels suffocating. I feel like my mom is always watching me and judging me. She always has something to complain about, and she never corrects me properly. Why can she speak nicely to my siblings but not to me? Hearing her voice terrifies me. Eating at the same table feels like my life is going to end soon. She never calls my siblings’ behavior like Satan’s—only mine. I guess I’m special. Do I need to die so everyone else can live a happy life? But I don’t even know how to take my own life. Overdosing won’t work because the doctors can save me, and when I wake up, I’ll just get scolded again. I don’t have a rope to hang myself, and the fan is too high. Cutting my wrist won’t do much because it will just cause blood loss. How about you suggest a way? Hehe. Hope for a reply.


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